The hardest part of this job is the humanity. You know, when you become a human being everyone else around you starts to look that way too. It is easier to kill, dig a hole and bury when people have no value and no meaning. When my life is worth more than yours or yours or yours. The burnout is real. When the people are real.

In Baltimore so far this year there have been 179 homicides.

In Chicago so far this year there have been 342 homicides.

In New Orleans so far this year there have been 116 homicides.

In Detroit so far this year there have been 197 homicides.

I’m not good at math. I don’t know if this equals 800 or less or more. But I know that each one of these people was a life that was not any more or less valuable than mine or yours. Or yours.

Or your son’s.

Or your mother’s.

Oh boohoo, notguilty. All you’ve done these days is blah blah about all of your stupid feelings about life and people and your kids. What about the LAW. You know, this thing you claim to be doing all the time. Aren’t there cases that have come up that are changing the way we view this system you have immersed yourself in? Aren’t there judges or prosecutors or public defenders wearing the wrong shoes? Oh yes, dear friends. There have been scores of cases that have changed the landscape of our briefs and memos. The ranks of horribly dressed individuals has not diminished to any great degree. But, I need to ask you something. Seriously. Let me ask you this:

Does it matter? And, more importantly, do you care?

I am glad to entertain you or inform you about the latest news coming down the pipeline from the Fourth Circuit (Maryland Assault 2nd is never an aggravated felony. Ever. I know I wrote about that stupid crime many moons ago but never had the chance to actually argue it. I am glad they figured it out, finally) And while that is a huge win for us and changes the lives of so many people, so many are still in prison for far too many years. Too many are dying. Just way, way, way too many.

You know what else happened? Eric Holder, our dearly beloved Attorney General said people who have never been convicted of a crime before and who meet certain other requirements shouldn’t be subject (automatically) to the federal mandatory minimums.  I took a wait and see approach to this before I cast any judgement on it, but I’ve had it work in my clients’ favor thus far. Kudos to those prosecutors who know how and when to do the right thing. Or, now have the blessing of their king to do so.

Nothing changes until people make them change. It is the law until it isn’t anymore but it requires a great deal of patience and really, just some fucking guts to make it happen. The federal sentencing guidelines were mandatory until some brave souls stepped up and the Supreme Court said no, it can’t be. People could be convicted on hearsay – and we have this great confrontation clause in the constitution, but we most of us were willing to look the other way cause that was just how it was done. Until some lawyer somewhere said no. No. It can’t be. And it wasn’t.

Here, listen you should know this:  There are people behind each of these cases. There are people behind Brady. Gideon. Booker. Human beings. Like you.  The lawyers, the defendants. They have families who miss them when they work all night or are locked up for decades upon decades.

Don’t you have someone who misses you? Do you follow this up with “But I would never do X so I don’t have to worry about it.” If so, may you always carry that peace. Forevermore.

Have you ever been in a jail? Even for an hour? Have you visited someone you love and looked at them through glass or across a table with guards all around? I have not. Not yet. I have not. I have not known what that feels like. I go with a clear goal in mind. It is my job. I don’t leave my heart behind.

You know what I hate? I hate visiting on family visiting days. I hate the kids seeing their dads. I hate what it makes me feel and I am not sure what I hate. Do I hate the people who are in jail for doing this to their kids (wait, I’m not supposed to think that because I am on their side) or do I hate the system that got them in this situation? All I know is that these children don’t deserve this.

I don’t know what it is like to lose someone to violence on a street. To have them be called “unidentified male” in a log of lost souls. At the end of the day none of this matters to any great degree because we all just keep marching on. I am defense lawyer. You are judge. You are prosecutor. You are ordinary Joe and Jill citizen. We all just keep on keeping on.

You know what happens when the death penalty is repealed in a state? Death penalty lawyers hired by the state don’t have a job any more. And they celebrate the end of the barbarism while scrambling for a way to make ends meet. Because the good of it, well, it was what they were getting a paycheck for, isn’t it? To keep people from getting killed? Imagine? Advocating yourself out of work. That is what I hope for, my friends.

There will always be evil in this world. And less than that, people will make mistakes and break the law and there will be a need for people like me and those on the other side to get to the root of the root and the bud of the bud but my hope is that it won’t be like it is now. Sisyphus. Forever?

I want to ask you ‘law and order’ types, the throw away the key types. How do you sleep at night? Have you convinced yourself that this is not your problem? If people did the right thing bad things wouldn’t happen to them. How will you convince yourself of that if it happens to you and how – here is the real question – how are you so sure it won’t happen to you? Seriously. I want to know. How?  And the truth is we can’t end this current system without you without you looking at those who are in the system in a different light. Until you can look at them like you look at yourself we are hopelessly stuck.