A long time ago, this question would give me the opportunity to say, in a nonchalant tone of voice, “oh, I’m a criminal defense attorney.” Deep inside, I was quite proud of this line, of what it said about me: I am not afraid of hard work, my life is like Law and Order or The Practice, I wear nice suits and high heels, I deal with die-hard criminals and I am not afraid. I would hold my head high and I really thought people cared, that they thought I was some sort of super-being because I had a law degree. They would ask “Oh wow, do you deal with like, murderers?” “Yeah, it doesn’t bother me. They are people too. Blah blah blah. Blah.” I would feign boredom with the question, pretend like I was above it all. Yawn, just another day in paradise. I was a lawyer. No one else’s job was as interesting as mine. When other folks would talk about their work, my eyes would glaze over – after all, they had JOBS but I was a LAWYER. I was the real deal. Gum chewing, ass kicking, rocking and rolling all over this land. L-A-W-Y-E-R.

I’ve had the chance, recently, to go out without the boys (see picture above) and a strange thing happens to me after having a drink and chatting with some stranger at a bar. They would tell me what they did and I would, as usual, pretend to care. Then came the strange part – they asked me what I did, and I couldn’t answer! I said, “nothing.” No, I didn’t say nothing. I said, “nothing”. That was my answer. When it came out of my mouth, I couldn’t believe it, but there it was. Nothing.

How do I describe what I do all day to a 28 year old sitting at a bar on a Saturday night? He’s not sitting there because he had friends come into town and his wife gave him a free pass from night duty. He’s there because that’s part of what HE DOES. In addition to whatever boring job he has, he sits at a bar, like a lot of people do. For me, it was a huge break. For him, its life.

So how do I explain what my life is like now? How do I explain the zerberts on the bellies? The teething? The laughing, trying to roll over, sitting up, waving bye bye (actually, salaam)? How do I tell this young man that I make sure dinner is on the table by 6:15 and I am a frequent user of the crock pot and I make casseroles and clip coupons and drive a mini-van? How will he ever understand that by “nothing” I mean “everything, and you just wouldn’t understand.” So, instead I say “nothing” and hope he thinks I’m a socialite that he must need to recognize, or that I’m on welfare or I’ve got a sugar daddy. If I tell him the truth. He just won’t get it. Or, worse yet, HIS eyes will glaze over. And I just can’t have that from some guy with a job.

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