There is a show on Discovery Health or TLC or some channel that I watch way too frequently these days called “Jon and Kate plus 8.” Now, I’ve never seen that show in its entirety, but the premise is that there is a couple – Jon and Kate – and they have 8 kids. Six year old twins and two year old sextuplets. Jon is Asian and Kate is your typical whitey. Anyway, the kids look nothing like Kate. In fact, at first I thought, oh, look, Kate has adopted 8 Asian children. But no, they are, in fact, the fruit of her loins.

Then last night I was watching Discovery Health “Special Delivery” (there should be a warning on that show “not suitable for viewing by hysterical women with complicated pregnancies”) and there was a woman named Ebony, who was African American, and she was married to a white guy and they had a baby and named her Ivory. Ivory is white. Not as white as Michael Jackson’s kids. But, her name suited her well.

So, this led me to think about our babies and what color they will be. I am sort of brown. Darker than an Italian, but lighter than Indian. You know, like regular Afghan coloring. Husband is white. So, what color will our kids be? Will they be white? Will they be brown? Will I have kids with white skin and blue eyes and if I do, will I recognize them as coming from me? And, what would be even more bizarre is if one of them was white with blue eyes and one of them had dark skin with brown eyes. Would husband love the one who looked like him more than the other one? And, would I feel the same? Or, would we not even notice, like parents of ugly children who think their kids are the cutest in the world.

Does Kate wish her babies looked more like her, and does Ebony wished the name Ivory actually had some irony to it? They don’t ask them those questions on TLC or Discovery Health. They should. That’s the stuff that this hysterical woman with a complicated pregnancy wants to know.