My resume is boring. I mean, I do cool stuff, you know, but it doesn’t come through in my resume. Here is a line, get ready to have your socks blown off “Criminal defense trial attorney representing clients in local, state, and federal courts on all classes of misdemeanor and felony matters” YAWN. I mean Y-A-W-N.

Does your resume have to be this boring and bland? Do I really have to be a lion tamer in order to have an interesting resume? Why can’t I tell people – yeah, and one time I took pictures of the car that the cop said he could see inside and I used those pictures during cross examination and the judge knew the cop was totally lying and then I WON! Why can’t I say that? Or, instead of saying “Researched, wrote and argued briefs before the Appellate Division, Third Department” can’t I say Most recently I won a case in the Appellate Division of a guy who was convicted of murdering his wife a la Scott Peterson? Why can’t I?

Oh, because? Why because? How can I let them know I freaking rock hard if I don’t put it in my resume? I don’t have kick ass law school credentials (we all know that my street cred is more important anyway) and I am not a lateral going from one big firm to another, I’m just me, but I’m good at it dammit.

Well, guess what? I did. I wrote that stuff in my resume. And if that doesn’t turn them on, well, I guess I’ll have to learn to be a lion tamer.