Warning – extensive self-absorbed commentary ahead:

How could I ever have thought I could leave?  How did I think that I could simply walk away, stay home, make cornbread?  Why was I trying to put a round peg into a square hole?

I am admitting this now, I was a terrible stay at home mom.  I did not sew, I did not keep house all that well, and I certainly didn’t feel fulfilled at the end of the day.  I didn’t feel angry either.  But you know when you are at a job and it just doesn’t feel right?  Well, that’s how it was.

I even would say, when people asked me what I did – I would say, I do nothing.

I hand it to the stay at home moms.  My life is substantially easier than theirs.  I know, I did it for over two years, the diapers and the late nights and the staring at the driveway waiting for the reprieve.  There are some women who are made for it.  I truly believe it is a gift to be able to stay home and raise good and solid citizens.  I am not gifted in that way.

Right now my kids are at a stage where they are really speaking, conversing and interacting.  They will be three in just over a week.  We talk about going to mommy’s office and they like bringing their skate boards to ride in the halls.  They can say “mommy is a lawyer” and it’s music to my ears.  They are learning to say “she defends the constitution” and I’ll be on cloud nine when they do.

But back then, when I was still high from the hypothyroidism, I thought, truly, that staying home was the right thing to do, that I could do it better than anyone else could.

I think, it’s still true.  I am their mom.  I do it best (well, daddy rules the roost, but you know what I mean).  But in order for them to have a full appreciation of the world at large, and their spot in it, mommy has to be who she is.  And that is a lawyer. A criminal defense lawyer.  A mommy who puts on the suit and lipgloss, grabs her litigation case and does her thing, for better or worse.

I have lots of mommy friends who will read this when it gets pushed to facebook (hi you!)  I know they know what I’m talking about.  Raising your children is a multi-pronged project and there is no one right answer.  I am thankful that at the end of the day, I’ve found the thing that works for us.  Mommy is a lawyer.  She defends the constitution.  And she loves us.