I’m sort of sad. There, I’ve admitted it. I know, I know, I should be thrilled to pieces to be in this new, sort of hip city and doing new, sort of hip things. But, you know, I miss home. I mean, I still call it home even though someone else lives there now and well, I don’t and I live somewhere else. I moved so often when I was a kid. I never thought much of it – time to go? Okay, lets go. My little town was the first place I picked. The first place I called home. I had a world of firsts there and its really hard to let it go.

My little house, for example. I bought it right after law school and I remember driving up the driveway and just feeling happy. Pure, unadulterated happiness and having my little yellow place with the long driveway and the messed up first step going to the pseudo second floor. And I miss it. And it makes me sad.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I only think of going back home in a very theoretical sort of way. I would not go back, not now. What would I do? And why? In the grand scheme of things, we just need a place to live and every place has the same stuff – CVS, Rite Aid, Target, Barnes and Nobles. I mean, we’ve managed to homogenize the United States such that there are fewer and fewer differences among all cities, very little hometown types of things that are specific to particular towns. That being said, here in B-more I’ve been confounded by a couple of things that are either uniquely b-more or generally southern, and I can’t figure out which. Maybe you, dear reader, can shed some light on these things:

1. Lake trout. This is a big deal here. Everywhere you go there are signs for food shops advertising “fresh fried lake trout”. What is lake trout? It sounds bad. Lake trout is so popular, there is a local band named after it. Wait, there are two.

2. Yellow cheese. I cannot, CANNOT for the life of me find my Kraft 2% American cheese – WHITE. I won’t eat the yellow. I don’t know why. Don’t ask me why. Don’t tell me ‘it tastes the same’ because I don’t care. I won’t eat it and I want my white cheese. And I can’t find any! Oh! As I was looking up Kraft singles, I’ve discovered they make Manchego cheese singles!!! OH MY GOD!

3. “Hon” Why hon? Why not honey? Sweetie pie? Shortcake? Darling? Why do they call everyone hon?

4. Utz. This is the maker of snack foods – potato chips, corn chips, pork rinds. They aren’t made in Baltimore, but they are immensely popular. There are entire booths in the Cross Streets and Lexington Markets devoted to Utz and there is a huge neon sign in town advertising it. They are made in Hanover, PA.

So, these are just four things I really don’t get. If anyone has answers for me, please comment pronto!