In my former life, the one where I had a job and a purpose in life, I was a lawyer. A trial lawyer primarily, but to earn some extra cash I would also write appeals; you know, those things called “briefs” that all the nerdy lawyer types really get into. In the last year I wrote several briefs for people who had been convicted of crimes and who were, for the most part, serving very long sentences in state prison. I lost most of them. In fact, I just lost one the other day that I thought had some excellent legal issues (shows you how much I know). Well, a few weeks ago, right around thanksgiving actually (LONG LIVE SMA!) I saw a decision online for a case I had argued. It was a drug case and my client had been convicted of something like 20 zillion counts of possession, sale, etc. and his sentence was 75-150,000 years in state prison. The appellate division thought this was too harsh and reduced it to 40-75 years or something equally ridiculous. Anyway, this same guy was convicted of murdering his pregnant wife (a la Scott Peterson) just after the drug conviction. Interestingly enough, his sentence was only 25-life for that particular crime. So, I just got an e-mail from my ex-office saying that the appellate division had reversed the murder conviction and was sending it back for a new trial. I am stunned. I always thought the AD had a ‘very bad man’ rule – if you are a very bad man they will find a way to keep you in prison by hook or by crook (what does that mean?). But, here is the ironical part: Even if he is aquitted of the murder, he will still spend the rest of his natural life in prison because of the drug case.

What good does it do to have a new trial? He might as well plead guilty to the murder and move on with it.

Still, its hard not to feel good about the win. The decision is supposed to come online at noon. I’m just wondering which of my stellar arguments they went for. Or, do you think. . . wait, maybe they were just fucking with him. They know that his other conviction keeps him behind bars forever. Maybe they are just like “yeah, there you go buddy, have fun at your new trial because you aren’t going anywhere anyway” and maybe it wasn’t my skill and cunning that got the thing reversed.

No, must stop thinking like that. It’s because I’m a genius.