I am in London, in a very crowded internet cafe. I’m having a bit of difficulty with the keyboard because the pound sign is where the @ should be. And, the keyboard is very big for my little fingers. Oh well. We got in yesterday after an event filled flight. Here is the story.

I am very excited to travel on Virgin atlantic because you get this little kit. In the kit is a toothbrush, toothpaste, mints, tissues, socks, and a little sleeping eye covering thingie. I don’t know waht its called. And you have a t.v. on the backof every seat and you can play playstation games and you get to pick your movies from the remote control on your seat. I had asked for an aisle seat and was looking forward tothe whole experience but then what to my wondering eyes did appear but not only a middle seat, but the middle seats in the center aisle. On one side, husband’s side, sat a very nice American guy who was going to see his friend for her first book launching. He was very gay and very nice. On the other side was a remarkably DRUNK british woman. In front of us was a very nice family of Indian Americans/English. Dot indian, not feather. So there was a very good looking woman, her pretty good looking husband, and their two kids, a little girl who looked like my best friend H when she was young, and a little boy. They were pretty well behaved, but they talked. You know,like kids do on a plane for 6 hours.

Anyway, so the drunk old bag sits down and can’t get her bag under the seat. Let’s pretend that#’s what she was trying to do. So she sits down and then has her handbag in her lap, puts her seat back and says, ostensibly to herself (dammit, where are the quotes on this stupid keyboard???!) Okay, lets pretend there are quotes, she says “(found them) shut up you bitch”. So I’m just sitting there kind of stunned and i think she’s mental, or has tourettes or something and she’ll calm down. Well, after a few more minutes, the children are just talking and she says it again “shut up you bitch” Then she gets up and says to the father “control your children”. Turns out the guy is a federal agent, but we don’t know this at the time. I find this out after we deplane and we talk to the mother. Anyway, he handles the situation very nicely and tells her that if she has a problem,to tell the stewardess. Crazy drunk sits back down. And then, even though we are taxiing to take off, she gets back up. The stewardess runs up and gets her to sit down. I swear to god, 30 seconds later she gets up again! So, finally she sits down and starts muttering under her breath “in my day children were seen and not heard. wuss. wuss.” I turn to her and say “is this an adults only flight” and Husband says “I think YOU should be seen and not heard.” She shuts up.

Half an hour later, she asks for a bloody mary and then spills it all over my bag which is stowedproperly under my seat. She gets up and doesn’t clean it up. I get the stewardess and she tells me there was no booze in the drink. A few minutes later the lady, drunk ass asks for a whisky. She gets a cup of ice. I swear, she must’ve gotten up about 30 times and passed out in the middle of both dinner and breakfast. She was CRAZY and couldn’t walk off the plane.

That’s my plane story. If I could type with more ease, it would be more amusing. I swear. Next up, what we did yesterday. Dammit. Keyboard.