I finally made it back home yesterday. Husband had gone to the movies, thinking I had ditched him and figured I would somehow, like Lassie, find my way back home. He did come back for me and we went home to yell and make Moroccan vegetable tagine to bring to landlord/friend’s house for dinner. The cheeseman came along with his new girlfriend the Newly Converted Jew. NCJ is very nice, but kept fingering her star of David. Wait, that didn’t come out right. She had this thing around her neck and she kept playing with it. No, still not right. But, you know what I mean. Apparently, she read this book two years ago and decided to become Jewish. I don’t know if it was this book, or this book , but it seems sort of fickle to me, to change your religion after reading a book. But then again, for the longest time I was convinced that I could not be anything other than muslim because it was part of my DNA. Seriously, I really believed that if you took it apart, there was some muslim part that could not be messed with. I think its one of those scare tactics they use at muslim day camp. I’m kidding, I never went to muslim day camp. Besides, they don’t call it day camp, they call it ‘training camp’. I don’t know why.
So yeah, she is Jewish now. Which is fine with me because even though I am biologically muslim, I am totally cool with Jews. My dad always made it a point to let us know that he did not have a problem with Jews at all even though they are f-ing with the Palestinians. He would tell us, usually in public, at restaurants heavily populated by jewish people, why Jews were so cool.
Here is the scenario: We are in a restaurant, the five of us. Dad has his muslim-approved beer (there is no such thing, muslims are not supposed to drink) and he gets to feeling like he needs to exposulate (that’s a word, right?) about how great the jews are. “You know, those jews, they are the the most smartest people in the world. They have sticktoitiveness. They stick to each other. You know, other people, the Afghans, the black people, the espanish, they do not have sticktoitiveness like the jews. They push each other off the ladder instead of helping each other up. Kicking each other in the face, spitting on each other. Fighting, fighting. Ahhh, the jews are so smart that is why they own the world. Do you know any poor Jewish people? Think, do you? No, you cannot even think of one. Not one single one. But, think. Do you know poor blacks? Come on! Espanish? Afghan? Muslim? The whole muslim world is poor. Shitting on their roofs and in holes! Not the jews. No jewish country is poor. Ah, everyone is jealous of the jews. That is why they want to kill them” Now, you have to say it with the proper accent and some slurring too. The accent is part Indo-Pak (think Apu from the Simpsons) part Greek. Yes yes, now you’ve got it. Good.
See, that is why I am totally chillin’ with NCJ. Thanks dad!
