Grandma, you’ve only been gone a week, but I miss you like crazy. See, its too bad I had to learn this lesson this way. I took you for granted, I thought you would always be around, that there would be time ‘later’ to ask you about your life, about who you were, how you felt. I never thought that one day you would be here, and the next you might be gone.
In my mind, when I close my eyes, I see your face. I see you telling me to comb the back of my head, and to speak softly to my husband. I see you sitting at your sewing table and calling me towards you, speaking in your strong willed, strong toned voice, asking me if I like the latest piece you created. You were an artist. Gifted. Before your time.
We have a saying in our language, you know it grandma, its not as pretty in english, but basically, I was not worthy of you. We were, not one of us worthy. If I could have the strength and goodness that you had in your fingernail, I would be a great person.
Grandma, I love you. Did I ever tell you that? We don’t even have a phrase for it, do we? I hope you can hear me now. I hope you can finally read, maybe even write. I hope you can finally take off all of your long clothes and feel the sun on your back. Grandma, is it true there is a river of honey? Is it true you can eat and drink anything you want? Do you still have to pray five times a day, or is God happy with what you’ve done? What does he think about us? What does he say about me? Is grandpa with you? After 25 years? How about your children who died so small? And your sisters? Are they there? Are you happy? Do you look at us down here, crying today, crying the way we probably did on the day we were born, are you looking down on us and wondering why? Why could we be so sad when you are free. I hope so.
I love you grandma. I am not worthy of you. But I am so proud I am from you.
