I’ve been doing nothing for the past three months. Nothing can make you absolutely insane. Yes, I wrote the first draft to my book and I went to Europe and visiting family a couple of times, but there has been no real point to my existence. So yesterday I did what any normal menstruating female does when she reaches a hyper-low point in her life : I cried. MH called after she received my depressing e-mail and I cried on the phone with her. I was blubbering and saying I did not want to practice law or take this “stupid test” as I called it. We had plans to go to the gym but ended up going for drinks instead. This really made me feel only marginally better.
I was really okay with the directionless life I was leading, thinking that maybe I would have an epiphany at some point and then, voila! as the french would say, there I would be. But that hasn’t happened. Instead, I’m getting more and more mired in this pit of nothingness and I find it hard to dig myself out.
So, what do I do with my days? I look at jobs on legal job boards. Notice how I said I look at them. That is usually the exent of it. Then I sit around on the couch. Then maybe I’ll go outside or check the mail. Hmmm. . .that’s it.
I think I am slowly boring myself to death. Is that possible? We live in one of the most exciting regions of the country, you think I would stop acting like a nine year old on a rainy sunday. Hey, look at that, I’m giving myself a pep talk. Yeah! Go me! Go get ’em tiger.
Wow. I am feeling remarkably energized now. Thanks me.
