So, I’ve just had a bloody mary (in honor of Heff’s visit) and I’ve had a VERY successful first date. Here’s what happened:
I was on my way, looking smoking hot in my dad’s nike zip up sweatshirt circa 1972, black and white workout pants, one of those head wrap ear thingies, and my sneakers when husband says “What if ‘britney‘ turns out to be brad and clubs you over the head and drags you into his apartment?’ Well, I hadn’t even thought of such a scenario, considering this was my first internet date ever. So, then I got all nervous and thought, yeah, well, what if? So husband and Heff drove me to the West side of Baltimore, where things are sketchier than they are in my high class hood. We went by a building and husband says “I think this is it. I think that’s her!” and points to a woman whose lived a hard fifty years. She’s wearing sweatpants and a headband and looks half retarded and is smoking a cigarette. I’m like, oh no!! It can’t be her! She doesn’t look like she’s just moved here from the O.C.! Alas, when I looked at the building number, we were still a block short, so we kept going. The building bitbit lives in is very nice, so the boys waited in the car and I stood outside, waiting. All sorts of people were coming and going and every once in a while I’d look at someone and think “I hope that’s not her” and then feel bad because it just confirmed my fears about how shallow I am.
After several minutes, out walked a very normal looking blond who said “hi! are you notguilty?, I’m bitbit.” THANK GOD! She looked very normal in every way. Not scary, she didn’t have a joint hanging out of her mouth, she wasn’t 400 pounds or an axe murderer (although, that’s probably tough to tell from first impressions). We started walking. She just moved here earlier this month so wasn’t really familiar with the city. We walked by Camden Yards (GO YANKEES!) and then over to the harbor. I showed her around Federal Hill and some of the cool houses. Then we walked up federal hill park where there is a gorgeous view of the city. Eventually we walked back to Mt. Vernon, she came in my apartment, and well, you can guess the rest.
Yeah, I drove her back to the West Side. She is awesome! She left California because it was turning into a Misha Barton/My super Sweet Sixteen nightmare and she is way too normal for that. She wants to go to Belly Dancing with us on Tuesday and she is so cool that we walked probably six miles and for two hours and totally did not even notice. I heart my date.
Now, my friend IrishFro called and didn’t leave a message. I called her back and she asked for husband and said “I was going to ask you a question but you would make fun of me so I need to ask husband because you are only allowed to make fun of me when we are drunk.” Now, I find this a little hurtful because (a) I’ve only known her for barely two weeks and she already thinks I’m a bad person and will make fun of her and (b) the question was so queer I would have made fun of her and she knows me so well already.
Here is the question: “I can’t use the power drill you lent me so the person downstairs is going to come up and show me how to use it. Is that okay?” Now, I would have said no, if we wanted someone competent to use it, we wouldn’t have lent it to you. Is that so wrong? sheesh.
So, tonight we are going to her house for a little party and I’m going to be so nice and sweet it is going to be sickening and everyone is going to get sugary sweet notguilty overload and I’ll show her! Well, its going to be hard, but I’ll do it! I will by golly.
Don’t sweet people say things like by golly?
