When I am an old woman I shall wear purple.

Feb 4, 2011 | Not Gulity No Way | 7 comments

This is one of my favorite poems:

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we’ve no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people’s gardens

and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Jones – When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

Here’s the truth. I am sick of articles about what jewelry I should wear in court, what color my nail polish should be, or if I should wear peep toes (how MUCH toe cleavage exactly?) It’s completely and utterly fucked up that we, women, can spend such an inordinate amount of time discussing such trivial and irrelevant matters. We size each other up in ways that men never do.

When that stupid ABA 100 thing came out, there were articles written about how it was so unfair to women, how women were under-represented and it was all a bunch of phony baloney. When this dumb little blog won, not a single one of those women (yes, they were women writing these things) commented, despite the fact that I was the only female to be nominated in the criminal justice category and the only one to win. I’m certain, though, that if I wore a too short skirt and too much makeup they’d be all over that. And I’m tired of it.

Look, if you see a woman wearing magenta tights and leopard print shoes in court you may roll your eyes and think “what the fuck” and if she is dropping papers and you can’t tell who she represents then, well, maybe the outfit is truly representative of who she is, but how often does that happen? If it does, you do your sister a service by telling her she looks ridiculous and that she needs to get her shit together. Why snicker behind her back?

Please, ladies of the law. Write about where you are, how you do it, what you love and hate. Write about events in the world or the latest terrible decision or write angst filled posts about how you really want to go to the gym but have motions due or you want to have kids but don’t know how it fits with your current life goals. But please, for the love of fucking GOD – leave my shoes out of it.

7 Comments

Patrick on February 4, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Amen.
Patrick (er, different Patrick) on February 6, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Great rant, and I love that poem. I remember reading it in high school, but lord knows what the point of it was back then …

In any event, clothing commentary is a discussion that's generally never heard amongst men. Sure, you have the wow did you see that blond in the mini-skirt discussions, but never the I can't believe Jim couldn't match his socks to his pants conversations. Never. Never ever ever ever. Put a gun to my head after trial and ask me what color my opposing counsel's socks were, and I'll ask you kindly to pull the trigger so we can all just go home a little earlier.

Men will put other men down over stuff that we tend to consider more substantive, e.g. Joe can't change a tire or Frank doesn't know how to change his own oil. These are things a man is supposed to know (apparently).

Maybe fashion is something a woman is supposed to know … who knows….

Men will size one-another up through other non-verbal cues like body language, eye contact, and (above all else) the handshake. I've found that shaking hands w/ most women is a completely useless way of getting information, but shaking hands w/ a man will tell you almost immediately whether you're dealing with an alpha, a beta, or the cleverly disguised alpha posing as a beta (i.e. the guy just waiting for you to underestimate him).

To women, perhaps clothes are like handshakes …except that we never bitch about the handshake, although we might tell our buddy over a beer that the opposing counsel in a new case is a complete putz. But we wouldn't broadcast it… Why? Because information is power.

There's a rule when playing poker that there's a mark (someone completely out of their league) at every table. If you haven't figured out who it is after an hour, its you. One of the ways to be successful (win more cases, make more money, buy low, and sell high) is to concentrate on exploiting the marks out there. But the more people out there that know who they are, the less useful this information is to you.

So, my advice to the ladies is this. If analyzing a wardrobe gives you some information in sizing up another woman's competence, keep it to yourself.
Nicole Black on February 8, 2011 at 7:50 am

What an interesting post Mirriam. I'm not really following the connection between the Blawg 100 issue and toe cleavage–but must be I missed a mental leap somewhere.

I wrote about the appropriate attire issue a number of times in the past on my Women Lawyers blog (http://nylawblog.typepad.com/women_lawyers/2010/04/appropriate-attire-for-women-attorneys.html)(http://nylawblog.typepad.com/women_lawyers/2008/06/toe-cleavage-of.html) and agree with your take on that particular issue wholeheartedly.

And, by the way, congrats on the win. I had no idea since I was unaware of the results of the Blawg 100. Of course, the fact that you won that category says nothing about the number of women-authored blawgs included in those in the running. Good for you on the win, however, and being able to rally up votes on social media and Solosez. People must really enjoy what you write and you should be proud of that.
Blonde Justice on February 8, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Amen to that sister.
One of my favorite poems too.

And Congrats on your win!
Pam Lakatos on February 10, 2011 at 11:18 pm

What a great post. I was given a copy of this poem when I was much younger. Now that I am reaching 60,
it means so much more than it did when I first read it.

I always read your blog, I do not always comment as I do not feel I have something important to communicate.

I raised my child, I am raising my stepchildren-the 14 year old is my last and I value my family. I value my clients and my ability to mentor other lawyers.

I also love wearing clothing that is different and provocative but try not to do it when I am picking a jury or in trial. With age and experience I have come to realize that I have much to contribute.

One thing I have learned is that I need down time-reading what others think is trash, be it gossip mags, science fiction, vampire novels, romances, memoirs, science based novels, etc. There is very little I do not find interesting.

Love the internet, television, books, and conversation. Like nothing more than sharing a meal or happy hour with others.

I do not blog as I feel others do it much better. I do not hesitate to comment.

Thank you for reminding us that despite our differences we all have something in common-a desire to explore and learn from others.

Also, as we women get older there is nothing better than reading wisdom that comes from those who have been there and done that.

The world is a very difficult place, for both men and women. I only have experience with one sex-but from what I have observed the men need our compassion and understanding. We have each other.

🙂 pam
donna on February 15, 2011 at 5:48 pm

This reminds me of when I was clerking for a judge and I would watch his trial sessions. One attorney who would regularly appear would wear bright fancy suits with matching hats. No one ever commented that she got her clients out of a bind, represented them well, or did a bang-up job. The comments were always about her clothes. And her clothes were cool, but she was an awesome attorney too.
mirriam on February 16, 2011 at 3:41 pm

I was in court today and was looking at a female attorney's suit. It was lovely, but red so it caught my eye. Everyone else was dressed drab and dour and she stood out. She was doing closings in a 5 week long federal trial. She rocked it.