Now that I’ve emerged from my cave, I’m afraid that people who met me while I was in there are a bit shocked at what kind of a bear I really am.   I seemed more panda-like back then, eating bamboo and leaving the nice people alone.  Look at me, I’m so cute.  Look, the panda is pregnant.  Look, the panda is having twins!  Look, the panda is staying home to raise her twins!  She joined a playgroup!  A multiples group!  Look!  Panda is um. .  . what the. . what the fuck is happening to the Panda?  Holy shit.  That’s no panda!  That’s a grizzly.  RUN!!  RUN!!!

I am scaring my new friends.

Those who knew me before my long winter of rest – the girls upstate (New York, not Dannemora or Green Correctional), my husband, my best friend, they knew I’d have to come out eventually – they knew it long before I did.   There are these people that prosecutors and some lay people (read:  non-lawyers) call “True Believers”  And true believers, dear 9 readers, are scary.  Because they believe, truly, that everyone deserves not just a defense, but a kick ass defense.  They believe that even when people do really bad things, someone needs to stand between them and the government.  They believe in the Constitution and the Rule of Law. 

Back in the olden days, when I was a baby lawyer and prosecutor, I didn’t understand this phenomenon.  I thought defense lawyers just did this cause it was their job, you know, like brick laying or working at Wendy’s.  They didn’t really BELIEVE the stuff they said.  They only said it cause they have to.

I will admit, sometimes you do an internal eye roll at some of the stuff your clients tell you, but the stuff I say, the stuff I write –  I BELIEVE.  Because if I don’t, no one else will.  And if I do, others will too.

I believe in the law, I believe in my position within it, I believe in the right of every person accused of even the most heinous crime to have the most able defense available to them.  I am a true believer.

And true believers are grizzlies.